Have you ever wanted to see a muscular man creepily fawn over himself in front of a webcam? No? Well we soldier on nonetheless!

I’m not sure if he’s ejaculating as he speaks but, from personal experience, I can say that’s how a man in a mustache sounds when he’s ejaculating and flexing his pecs. Uh, by personal experience, I mean like…uh…that time a guy with a mustache ejaculated for me? Crap.

I don’t know how this man currently isn’t in the running for our presidency. He could lift America out of the recession with his KILLER QUADS, push up plans for universal healthcare with his MASSIVE PECS, shrug away concerns of terrorist threads with his LATS OF TERROR, and catch other countries’ natural resources in his ENVIRONMENTAL PROTECTION MUSTACHE. So he and Hillary have a lot in common. Ho ho because she’s a man! Ziiiiiiiiiiiiiiing!