So Catholicism is kind of dumb except for the whole part about f’ing boys (which isn’t cool, but I can respect it/occasionally fantasize about it…I mean what, huh, who said that). But when the Pope says there should be some new sins, goddammit I am going to totally f’ing Jesus Christ up and listen to what he has to say while I engage in premarital sex and worship my yellow highlighter. PRAISE BE TO GLOWNOR!

Thou shall not pollute the Earth. Thou shall beware genetic manipulation. Modern times bring with them modern sins. So the Vatican has told the faithful that they should be aware of “new” sins such as causing environmental blight.

Asked what he believed were today’s “new sins,” he told the Vatican newspaper L’Osservatore Romano that the greatest danger zone for the modern soul was the largely uncharted world of bioethics.

“(Within bioethics) there are areas where we absolutely must denounce some violations of the fundamental rights of human nature through experiments and genetic manipulation whose outcome is difficult to predict and control,” he said.

The Vatican opposes stem cell research that involves destruction of embryos and has warned against the prospect of human cloning.

Girotti, in an interview headlined “New Forms of Social Sin,” also listed “ecological” offences as modern evils.

In recent months, Pope Benedict has made several strong appeals for the protection of the environment, saying issues such as climate change had become gravely important for the entire human race.

Under Benedict and his predecessor John Paul, the Vatican has become progressively “green.”

First of all I just want to say that I find it hard to take anything seriously coming from a man wearing red Prada shoes and a comically oversized hat. Unless it’s like something about more effectively working the shaft while tonguing the head. Then that’s the kind of thing where maybe you’ll take his expertise.

I dunno though, how can messing up the environment be a sin? Like if the environment gets messed up, shouldn’t that be construed as part of God’s divine plan? Isn’t that fundamentally what this whole deal is based around? Same thing with the baby fetuses being turned into a creme brulee cure for cancer. If God is all-powerful and all-knowing and wearing a nice white robe and he hates babies being put in a blender to cure what ails me, then maybe he just would stop me from eating baby protein shakes. I DARE YOU!*

*please don’t strike me down, I’m too handsome to die.

[Thanks to my alluring reader Caitlin for the tip.]