Today is the day many people across the country have craved. Grand Theft Auto IV hit store shelves at midnight this morning. As I am without an Xbox still (yeah, I never sent my Red Light of Doom one in and am just planning on buying a new one when I feel like it/have money), I cannot play the game. But that won’t stop me from masturbating to The Pixel Women of GTA IV!

“Grand Theft Auto” doesn’t even seem like an appropriate title any more. Perhaps they should call it “A Guide to Being a Classy Gentleman”. Because let’s be honest, I’m doing that exact same “honk at a woman then shoot her in the face if she doesn’t get into my car” strategy every single time I’m crusing for honeys. Especially honeys camped out underneath trains. It’s like baby, we both know you’ve got nothing going on with the way you’re standing under this train. Why you be frontin’?