When she was pregnant, Angelina Jolie was apparently extremely gay for Hot Pockets. Which is ironic because her adopted kids tend to have a stomach the size of one.

After giving birth to twins, Angelina Jolie had a difficult time putting the breaks on the high-calorie pizzas, Hot Pockets, french fries and ice cream she consumed during her pregnancy, Us Weekly reports in its latest issue, on newsstands now.

Her snacking got so bad that a source close to Jolie’s French Ob-Gyn, Michel Sussman, tells Us that he instructed her to eat more nutritiously. (She said junk food is “their family’s weakness” and even joked about Brad Pitt having a pregnant belly, says the source.)

What is it about pregnancy that turns even the finest, most elegant women around into complete white trash? “HOT POCKETS, PICKLES WITH CHOCOLATE MAYONNAISE PLEASE, I WANT IT FRIED TOO!” That may have been more to blame for Britney Spears’ downfall than any other factor. Something about a succubus inside of you eating away all of your womanly essence just does a bit of damage.

I’ve also come up with a new theory that Angelina Jolie is secretly hoping to become Captain Planet. She’s assembling kids of diverse ethnicities. Next step is the rings. Then, BAM, one blue paintjob and she’s set.