Oh you know how I love people younger than me with infinitely more wealth and success. Well, now we have a 22 year-old poker player added to that list.

A 22-year-old Danish poker professional won the World Series of Poker early Tuesday, turning a wheel straight on the last hand to become the youngest champion in the history of the no-limit Texas Hold ‘em main event.

Peter Eastgate hit an ace-to-five straight on the turn and instantly called an all-in bet from Ivan Demidov on the river to win the title and $9,152,416. Demidov held two pair, twos and fours.

The previous youngest champion was 11-time gold bracelet winner Phil Hellmuth, who was 24 when he won the tournament in 1989.

“It feels good to beat Phil’s record,” Eastgate said after taking pictures with stacks of $100 bills and his new gold bracelet. “I was not focused on the record that I could break, I was just focused on the game.”

There is no singular money-generating thing that bothers me quite as much as poker. Well, poker and Web sites. Because holy crap does it get annoying to see how every good idea I’ve ever had get turned into a Web site sometime a couple months later. Which is why I’m left with this soupy drek I write every day. If I saw Facebook’s Mark Zuckerberg on the street, I would kick him right in the head of his cock.

Anyway so yeah he’s $9 million richer. Whatever, I found a Junior Mint on the floor and I ate it. So we’re pretty even, I’d say.