America is falling apart right now with a crapty economy, civil unrest, and new episodes of Two and a Half Men. So what could be the final sign of our personal apocalypse? Bears are getting much smarter.

I can’t say I didn’t see this coming. Ever since I read my first Berenstain Bears book I was like, “Oh f, they’ve gained autonomy.” Who knows what else they’re planning? I’m guessing raping and pillaging can’t be too far away. And trust me when I say that bears are not gentle lovers. My trip across Europe with Paddington taught me a lot. Including that there was nothing but pain hidden beneath his little blue jacket.