From GQ’s Men of the Year party last night in Los Angeles…

I have no clue who this chick is. The image credit reads “Sarah Shahi” which sounds like some B-list foreigner or perhaps a woman who gained her fame by marrying a Pokemon. Either way, all I know is that I want her to be a part of my life, preferably a part of my life that involves my genitals. Even if that means she’s just checking me for hernias. Daily. One can only hope that I can find a way to ejaculate while turning my head and coughing.

It seems pretty convenient that in a celebration for the men being named GQ’s Men of the Year, some of the hottest women in Hollywood came out to celebrate. Because women couldn’t even breathe without a powerful man. That’s why I tell dumb girls that my penis is a snorkel.

[In order of appearance: Summer Glau, Rosario Dawson, Megan Fox, Kim Kardashian, Eliza Dushku, Elisha Cuthbert, Leelee Sobieski, Olivia Wilde, Emanuelle Chriqui, Nikki Reed, Jaime King. My faves, based on these photos, are Megan Fox , Kim Kardashian, and the smoking hot Nikki Reed. Because I know you were curious.]