From an event for the NY Public Library’s Library Lions, which is probably less about lions reading books than I would prefer.

I like Ivanka Trump a lot. She doesn’t dress like a complete slut, which disappoints me a bit but probably makes sense because she’s a professional woman. Also her smoky voice and surly facial expressions appeal to me quite a bit. It reminds me of when I used to work as a male prostitute dealing solely with wealthy elderly widows. Turned out they didn’t even really want the sex, just someone to listen. Which was about as painful as the sex was.

Also Ivanka Trump looks like the type of chick who’d demand you finish on her chest and then eat it off. They always say you’ll fall in love with a woman just like your mother.