From the opening of the Pussycat Dolls Lounge in Vegas.

Now far be it for me to insult someone on a big day in their lives (okay, actually, that’s pretty much all I do. But still), but I never really realized that the Pussycat Dolls were, as a whole, so unattractive. I like Nicole Scherzinger even though she has a Nazi name that doesn’t quite work with her ambiguous ethnic looks. The rest of them…the black chick would be cute if she didn’t have a widow’s peak, ditto the pixie one if she didn’t look like a combination of Melissa Ethridge and a supermodel, the other blond looks vaguely like a man (and not a good one that would dupe me into paying $20 for a BJ either), and the red head probably has a vile firecrotch. I’d be more likely to jerk off to the Ninja Turtles than I would this group.

And I know the Pussycat Dolls are a popular burlesque group and not just a pop band, but was it really necessary to give them a lounge named after them? Why must lounges be named for exciting stage acts and not the people who built America? I’d like to see the Jonas Salk Lounge or the George Washington Carver Room. We need more polio and peanut-based places to drink.