I don’t care how old this is and I don’t care that Michael Jackson is presently as culturally relevant as polio, this is a f’ing awesome video. It’s a recreation of the classic Nintendo game Punch-Out, only with Michael Jackson in the role of Mike Tyson and Macaulay Culkin in the role of Little Mac.

There probably weren’t enough jokes about Michael Jackson touching Macaulay inappropriately, but I guess that’s to be expected. Frankly, there are never enough jokes about children being touched inappropriately. What can I say? I’m insatiable.

In a related note, I kind of wish someone rich or famous had cupped my balls when I was younger. I’m f’ing paying off college loans forever because David Carradine didn’t feel compelled to stroke my ass once but these other kids are living the high life because MJ liked to get them drunk and play Hide The Misshapen Bleached Sausage with them. I’m not saying I want to be retroactively sodomized, but enough heavy petting to have made a nice $500k nest egg? I could live with it.