From last night’s Spike TV Video Game Awards…

It’s a bit perplexing to me how Spike was able to get out all these girls who are universally accepted to be the hot chicks of the moment to their award show…for video games. It’s not even like it was for movies or the Spike TV Scientific Advancements in Neurology (FOR DUDES) Awards. But for video games? I love video games, but I don’t think of sexy bitches when I think of video games. I think of me in my shorts at home getting racial epithets yelled at me by a fat teenager with a southern accent on Xbox Live. You’d be surprised to learn that Megan Fox doesn’t often enter into that equation.

I would however let any and all of these women play with my joystick. And by joystick, I mean my controller because modern video games don’t really use just a joystick any more. Gaming conventions have changed quite a bit from the days of Pac Man in which a joystick was the only thing controlling your yellow, overindulging pill-popper of a hero. Oh, and also, by joystick, I meant penis. It’s the sexiest game of all, only instead of a high score, you get premature ejaculation and a series of apologies.

From L to R, Marissa Miller, Kim Kardashian, Stacy Keibler, Odette Yustman.