The second week in December usually marks the time when workplaces hold their Christmas parties; shoppers start hustlin’ and bustlin’; and trampy chicks grace the internets in Santa costumes. It also brings about fantasy football playoff time. So, if your team didn’t make the playoffs because of that nine-yard catch by Steve Smith, here’s your chance to recoup those losses. Away we go…

1. Detroit Lions at Indianapolis Colts -17 – Over/Under 45 – Take the Colts, but stick with the under – The Colts have been rollin’ rollin’ rollin’, rollin’, what! Did I just reference Fred Durst? How lame is that? Anyway, you don’t have to be a fool to know that Peyton Manning will get his. The Colts will do their part to push the limit on the O/U, but the Lions won’t. They’re garbage. Enough said. 0 and 16, here they come. The pick: In-dy-face 31 D-League 13

2. Washington -7 at Cincinnati – Washington – Clinton Portis could show up in one of his ultra-stupid costumes and the ‘Skins would still beat the Bengals. The Redskins are fighting for their playoff lives. The Bengals are fighting for the second overall draft pick. Plus, redskin potatoes make an excellent side dish to any meal. That’s good enough for me. The pick: ‘Skins 23 ‘Gals 14

3. Buffalo at New York Jets -7.5 – NYJ – My name is Tim and I’m a Bills fan. The Bills’ play hinges on their quarterback. J.P. Losman sucks. He sucks so much. I’m going to start calling my enemies “Losmans”. To increase my disdain for him, he’ll probably hit Lee Evans on a 60 yard score and wreck my fantasy hopes for this week (yeah, I’m not the one who got burned on Steve Smith’s nine-yard catch – I’m in the playoffs). The pick: Jetropolitans 27 Go fly a kite, J.P. 13

4. Pittsburgh +2.5 at Baltimore – Pittsburgh – This game smells fishy to me. “Yeah! crabcakes and football. That’s what Maryland does!” Name the movie. It really does smell fishy…and it isn’t the crabcakes. Pittsburgh has a better offense, a better defense and they don’t wear purple. My gut tells me that they have to win and that it’s time for a turkey sandwich. By the way, it’s from Wedding Crashers. The pick: Thieves 17 Grimace 16

5. Minnesota Vikings at Arizona Cardinals -3 – Arizona – Which QB has a worse first name? Kurt or Tavaris? I’m not so sure. But, I do know which QB has a worse game… The pick: Redbirds 27 Barney 17

6. New England Patriots -7 at Oakland Raiders – New England – The Pats have not been impressive the past couple weeks. They sit atop the AFC East in a three-way tie. I wouldn’t be surprised to see Belichick run up the score this week, like he’s Bob Stoops in the BCS race. Man, I can’t stand Belichick. What a Losman. The pick: Losman 23 Quick, name the Raiders head coach. (It’s Tom Cable.) 13