In protest of bills passed banning gay marriage in several states across the US, today is the Day Without A Gay, a day in which gay people totally disappear and don’t spend money to show their impact on society.

We’ve reacted to anti-gay ballot initiatives in California, Arizona Florida, and Arkansas with anger, with resolve, and with courage. NOW, it’s time to show America and the world how we love.

Gay people and our allies are compassionate, sensitive, caring, mobilized, and programmed for success. A day without gays would be tragic because it would be a day without love.

On December 10, 2008 the gay community will take a historic stance against hatred by donating love to a variety of different causes.

On December 10, you are encouraged not to call in sick to work. You are encouraged to call in “gay”–and donate your time to service!

The services in question would be volunteer work, not the type of services you’d expect from a bored gay man. Now I’m totally pro-gay marriage. If they want to go see each other in the hospital and get married and adopt, that’s totally fine with me. But I’m not cool with them taking this day to “show their importance”. Here are nine ways your life may be impacted by a Day Without A Gay.

-If you were planning on not being in the office today, you may want to change your plans. It’d be kind of awkward for you to come in tomorrow, only to have the other women in the office “applaud your courage” and then have your manager Carlos say “he didn’t know you were down for the cause” while stroking your thigh.
-For the love of God, don’t get a haircut. Your trusted gay stylist Antonio is off and going to the local barber may leave you looking like you got paid a visit from Stevie Wonder and his garden shears.
-If you were hoping to get your house redecorated, you may want to hold off until tomorrow. Unless your house’s decorations to consist primarily of stuffed deer heads and neon Coors Light signs. Design was never a strength of heterosexuality.
-Don’t bother checking your lesbian Web cam today. Because girls who are lesbians in porn are totally lesbians in real life. It’s science.

I salute you, you courageous heroes.

-Going to see a Broadway show? Well, then, I applaud your courage in being an outed homosexual. But I’d still expect to suffer a bit with 90% of the cast not available to perform tonight.
-Trying to save money on prostitutes in difficult economic times could be more difficult than usual today. Without a viable tranny alternative on the market, expect those damn female prostitutes to drive rates up. They’re the only game in town with a functional orifice.
-Did you f up really bad with your girlfriend or wife last night? Ordering flowers might prove to be a bit difficult so it’s probably best if you just pretend you banged your head and got amnesia and don’t remember what happened. Gauze to wrap around your head is much more affordable than a diamond earring alternative.
-If you’re planning to have sex with a gay man just to try it, today may be a great time to dive right in. They’re just hanging around, all bored and such and they’re probably really in touch with the whole “gay” thing. A pleasantry in line with how you support the cause and you’ll be knee deep in balls within minutes.
-If you’re a retailer specializing in short shorts, you might as well just close up for the day. And if you sell assorted rainbow flags and calendars of shirtless men with their undies slightly pulled away from their bodies…you might want to talk the kids into a year of community college so that they can try to get a scholarship at their university of choice.

So there you go. See? We’re all affected in some way. Keep fighting the good fight gay folks.