As a fat man, you look forward to certain eating events in your lifetime. The days you are able to hit up Pizza Hut buffets, the rare times you can convince your girlfriend to go to Ponderosa, eating a half-sheet of ice cream cake for your bday, etc, etc…

For me, one of those banner days in my life is none other than the Super Bowl.

I literally try to plan out what I’m eating at least 2-3 weeks in advance. In fact, next week’s Super Bowl menu was going to consist of Party Subs, my world famous chili and of course…..Buffalo Wings.

There are few meals that are complete without the taste of hot wings. Some like to eat them as appetizers and some like myself, just eat them 5 times a week.

So when I read this, a few tears fell down my face…

As a major supplier of buffalo wings, a poultry farm in Texas recently filed bankruptcy causing a shortage in supply

So let me get this straight.

Not only do I have to endure the brutal match-up of the Cards/Steelers(by the way, Steelers win by 20+) but now I have to do it without wings.

Hell no.

I, like, any other sane fat person on the planet is doing the one thing we can do. Instead of working tomorrow, I will be raiding a nearby Amish community for all their chickens. Since they are technically a non-violent people, I expect to come out of it unscathed.

However, shall there be no posts come Friday afternoon, know that Jebediah and his two sons got the best of me with a shotgun.

Dammit.