England is pretty awesome sometimes. A town in Manchester is offering workers at its city council extra time off to get cosmetic surgeries, including implants and whatever else their heart desires.

A council town hall is offering staff unpaid leave to have cosmetic surgery for procedures including breast enlargements, it has been revealed.

Council chiefs say cosmetic surgery is a ’stressful experience and claim being ‘flexible’ about the matter would ‘generate goodwill’ among staff.

It means workers at Tameside council, in Greater Manchester, will no longer have to use up their holiday allowance for the operations.

Council bosses introduced their new policy – for all staff except teachers and other school employees – after a string of workers came forward demanding so-called ‘life-choice procedures’, such as breast enhancement and liposuction.

This is an initiative I can totally get behind. In fact, why keep it optional? Let’s make it mandatory. And let’s also give them lobotomies so they’re more agreeable and talk less about shoes and their periods and whatever. But let’s limit it to this one town, like a pilot program. Tourism would soar through the roof, everyone would love to see these miracle women with large breasts and flat stomachs and non-retarded women. And then maybe that would inspire other women to take the same task and soon we’ll be in the Stepford Wives (which, for the record, was less of a horror movie and more of a masturbatory fantasy).

Also let’s have the ugly women fight for the rights to get cosmetic surgery. There’s only so much you can do with a less-than-ideal canvas, so Roman gladiator-style matchups would really limit the women to only the top tier. And provide hours of entertainment and organs for the terminally ill. I really don’t get why someone hasn’t made me dictator of a country yet. I’m an idea man.

[source]