I can’t say that the first thing I thought of when hearing about Nadya Suleman, mother of 14 including a recent birth of octuplets, is how bad I want to see her have sex. Well, Vivid apparently knows what I want better than I do because they offered her $1 million to bone on camera.

Vivid Entertainment spokeswoman Jackie Martin said Wednesday the offer also promises a year of health insurance for Nadya Suleman and her 14 children.

Suleman gave birth to octuplets at a Bellflower hospital on Jan. 26, and already had six other children. She relies on food stamps and disability income to provide for them.

The three-bedroom home in Whittier that the unemployed single-mother lives in is also facing foreclosure and could be sold at auction beginning May 5 because Suleman’s mother is $23,225 behind in her mortgage payments, property records show.

Vivid said their offer was sent Tuesday via overnight mail to Suleman’s home address and there had been no immediate response.

The offer letter said Suleman’s video would be distributed under the Vivid-Celeb imprint, which has released videos starring Pamela Anderson and Kim Kardashian.

I know this is just Vivid’s way of getting publicity and it works for them, but COME ON. I mean she’d have to be with the juiciest black penis around to even come close to satisfying that whale’s mouth she calls a vagina. She’d pretty much have to have sex with that tree that raped that girl in Evil Dead.

Also, frankly, she’s not even that hot. I mean, not even a 5 really. I get that there’s a market for freak show sex and also a market for women so desperate for money that they have to do porn, but I’m pretty sure I’d rather watch myself on a Valentine’s Day date with Travis the Chimp than that.

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