From some concert that wasn’t actually at Sea World; I just got confused because she looks like Shamu.

Jessica Simpson’s still doing the country thing, which is evident not only in her wearing daisy dukes, but also in the fact that she’s apparently been grazing the fields to build her tractorlike physique. I mean seriously, she could probably work the fields for days without tiring, just so long as you trust her to not swallow the cows whole. That’s assuming she can tear herself away from masturbating to Thisiswhyourefat long enough to do some real work.

Also, to anyone about to leave a comment about how she’s not fat, save it. Her f’ing corset looks like it’s going to bust apart and send pieces of shrapnel into the already-tortured eyes of anyone nearby. Yeah, keep emphasizing the big boobs with your wardrobe choices and hopefully no one will notice that you’re literally busting apart at the seams like one of the Three Little Pigs’ houses filled by a hose dispersing marshmallows.

[Editor's Note: I'm keeping the Girls I Would Copulate With tag on for now, but we're getting DANGEROUSLY CLOSE to it being revoked, Simpson. Watch your ass. All of it. You may need a panoramic lens.]