Lesbianism? Drunken attacks? Sperm? This is perhaps the story of the year.

A WOMAN in a lesbian marriage has been arrested in the US after allegedly attempting to forcibly inject her brother’s sperm into her wife.

Stephanie Lighten, 26, allegedly threw Jennifer Lighten, 33, on a couch in the couple’s home in Pittsfield, Massachusetts and threatened to impregnate her with “a turkey baster” filled with semen from Stephanie’s brother, letzgetreal.com reports.

The “turkey baster” was a large syringe with a catheter tip, according to police, who confisicated it, a container of semen donated by Stephanie’s brother , Nicholas Lighten, and some aluminium that also apparently had contained the semen.

According to Jennifer she struggled with a “liquored up” Stephanie on the couch who grabbed at Jennifer’s clothes.

Jennifer ran to the bathroom and locked herself in but allegedly Stephanie broke down the door hurting her wrist in the process.

Jennifer then fled from the house and started to drive away in the couple’s 4WD vehicle but was halted when Stephanie jumped on the side of the car.

A witness at the scene said Stephanie “was hanging on the SUV door handle, trying to get into the car.”

This is like a horror movie. A sexy horror movie where the weapon is lesbian lust and a turkey baster full of sperm. Which is more like a porn spoof of a horror movie than an actual horror movie, but whatever. I could see how it’d be confusing to get attacked by a turkey baster full of sperm while you’re trying to take a nap on the couch. I really support lesbians and their right to a normal life, so I can completely relate to this story. I mean, I attack women all the time with my human turkey baster full of sperm and they’re typically horrified (assuming that I didn’t give them enough chloroform) so I definitely relate to Stephanie’s plight. Bitches need to learn to sleep heavier.

[source]