Our friends at Buzzfeed unearthed an AWFUL TERRIBLE AWFUL video of a Japanese show (stunner) featuring a woman with a monstrous mouth. Literally, like a monster. Take a look.

It’s pretty obvious to make a joke like “I bet she can suck a dick lol” but f that. That would be awful. It may shock you to learn that my penis is not roughly the size of a grenade launcher so I’m pretty sure it’d be in this chick’s mouth lost and afraid, like a little kid in the woods in a cautionary fairy tale. And my penis doesn’t have a lunchbox full of breadcrumbs to find its way back out, so that’s a pretty horrific outcome to subject my genitals to. And I’d get about as much pleasure out of it as I would getting a root canal performed on my ass. So I guess the point is that you need to use dick jokes responsibly because your penis can’t look out for itself.

*the more you knowwwww