15 year-old girls are tricky. They look like women sometimes and are totally capable of being knocked up like women, but it’s apparently illegal to insert parts of yourself inside of them. Well, here’s a gentleman who’s found himself on the down side of the 15 year-old girl trap.

See? 15 year-olds turn you to hedonism

A 29-year-old man accused of getting a 15-year-old girl pregnant was arrested Wednesday after investigators found the teen girl and marijuana in his sport utility vehicle, according to recently released records.

Bolivar Steven Polanco, of the 1400 block of Southeast North Balcourt Court, told investigators he loves the victim and “has every intention of being a father to the baby.” Polanco, listed as unemployed, faces felony charges of lewd and lascivious battery and impregnating a minor and a misdemeanor marijuana possession charge.

The 15-year-old girl reportedly was under a blanket in the backseat and looked to have been asleep. Investigators found a notebook “which indicated a relationship with the suspect” and the victim, including a photo of them kissing. Pregnancy tests were in the glove box, and the victim told investigators she was “about five weeks along.”

The victim said she loves Polanco, but indicated the relationship was “awkward” because of the difference in age. She said they had sex once and that both felt “awkward” afterward, so they decided not to do so again until she was older. She said she’d been “seeing” Polanco for a couple of months.

Polanco was forthcoming about the relationship and admitted having sex with the victim. He knew of her apparent pregnancy and acknowledged the child was his.

The victim said her mother “kicked her out” following a dispute and she went to Polanco’s residence. They were headed to McDonald’s when police stopped Polanco for allegedly failing to use a turn signal.

There is literally NO time where a 15 year-old girl lying in the back seat of your car is going to turn out well. You either killed her, kidnapped her, or are attempting to hide her for some illicit reason. Even if the girl were your daughter with a sick stomach, while you’re driving people would probably look at you like, “Oh you sick bastard.” So here’s my new law: Never allow a 15 year-old girl into your car, at minimum. Ideally, they shouldn’t be a part of your life at all. 15 year-old girls are a lot like that fugu fish that’s poisonous but completely delicious as a sushi dish if it’s cut just so…sure, it may be a wonderful and delightful experience, but it’s probably better if you not open it up in the first place.

Hot young-but-legal women, you’re one of those special rolls with caviar sprinkled on top. Old women, you’re stale California rolls that I bought from the gas station that’ll probably end up giving me food poisoning because you’ve been out in the heat for way too long. And so ends the “What if women were sushi” debate.

[via]