With technology supposedly narrowing the gap between man and robot, one would expect Google to do a good job of helping my searching. But apparently Google knows me even better than I know myself.

You don’t know how many times I’ve done something assholish to a friend and they were getting mad so I just got confused and stuck my index finger all the way into their rectum. I’m not saying it’s logical, but I was hoping that working them like a puppet might give me the desired result. Long story short, this is why I’m not long allowed to be a mediator for fights when I do my charity work at the Elementary School for the Developmentally Disabled. And by charity work, I mean wearing a trenchcoat and going, “Hey kids, who wants to learn how to milk a cow?” Important life lessons, indeed.

[via, actual google link]