So I don’t know what this sounds like to you, but biting a man and eating his flesh sounds a bit like A ZOMBIE INFESTATION.

A Metairie resident is recovering after a stranger bit a chunk of flesh out of his arm, and swallowed it, Saturday afternoon.

Joseph Lancellotti, 67, told authorities he did not know the suspect, later identified as Mario Vargas, 48, or why he was attacked in his front yard.

Lancellotti was gardening at his home in the 4400 block of Kawanee Avenue about 2 p.m. when he noticed a man walking toward his house, shouting angrily, the report said. Lancellotti said he couldn’t understand the man because he was yelling in Spanish. But when the man got within two feet, he slugged Lancellotti in the head, the report said.

Lancellotti said he tried to defend himself with a garden rake. As the men struggled over the rake, the stranger bent over and bit Lancellotti on his right forearm, the report said. Lancellotti’s flesh ripped away as he fell to the ground. The man then got on top of Lancellotti and began choking him, the report said.

It was then that neighbor Chantal Lorio, a podiatrist and director of the Wound Center at East Jefferson General Hospital, came out to check on Lancellotti. Lorio said Monday that she first thought Lancellotti was having a heart attack and the other man was trying to help him.

“He said, ‘He bit my arm, chewed the flesh and swallowed it in front of me,’ ” Lorio recalled. She said the bite measured almost 3 by 1 1/2 inches, and was less than 1/4-inch deep.

Vargas, of 724 Camp St., New Orleans, was booked with second-degree battery. He was being held Monday at the Jefferson Parish Correctional Center in Gretna in lieu of $25,000 bail.

Well, if this guy isn’t a zombie (which is pretty crazy sounding because, if movies have taught us anything, he totally is Patient Zero), then maybe he shouldn’t have been charged with a crime. Maybe the guy who got bit should have been charged with two counts of deliciousness. Yeah! How come it’s always the biter’s fault? This Lancelloti character sounds like a pasta dish at a nice Italian restaurant…for all we know, he might have been on his lawn seasoning himself with seven essential herbs and spices. So see, eating his sweet, well-prepared flesh doesn’t seem so crazy now, does it?

Now I’m not saying you should go around with a t-shirt gun firing out rounds of Mrs. Dash. But, hey, recession.

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