John Mayer’s okay. I think he’s actually fairly talented in spite of the fact I’m not a sorority girl attempting to make you listen to songs that “get me in the mood” when you’re just trying to finger my ass. But this husky gal seems to redefine “being into a song.”

This seems like a great time to push my “Let’s load fat girls into trucks and make them do the work of donkeys to stimulate the economy” plan, so I will. I think we should load fat girls into trucks, take them out to a field, and make them plow the Earth in order to justify their existence. Because this video is the most useful thing I’ve seen a fat girl do in like decades. Other than that time I had to cut one open and sleep inside her stomach to feel warm. But we don’t talk about that any more. It was a long, cold wait at the concession line at the Buffalo Bills’ game. You had to be there to truly understand the despair.