Note: I initially made a typo that made the headline, “Gentleman caught jerking it in cat,” which would make this an entirely different story. But for now, just in the car will have to suffice.

I like ejaculating about as much as anyone. It’s fun, you can shoot it at targets, whatever. But I never get having to jerk it outside of your home. Are you that much of a junkie that you can’t wait a couple hours? What is turning you on so bad in a car? If you jerk off because you saw a hot chick down the street, you’re basically an animal and should be in jail because you’re one opportunity away from sexual assault. And if you’re not Rapewhistle McGee, that means you just got a raging erection based off of an odometer and the hits of the 80s, 90s, and today. If you’re getting throbbing boners off of The Real McCoy, you may want to take a good hard look in the mirror.

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