I don’t know about you, but if I ever get into a car chase, I’d like to be clad in a tuxedo, just to mess with people’s expectations. Because then there’s the other end of the spectrum, which is this Sacramento woman, sexily clad in her best bikini.

Mulleted, tankini, pudgy, perpetually drunk-looking, and in a stationwagon with four flat tires. I’m pretty sure that’s the official dress code of white embarrassment. In fact, any one of those things should probably be enough to make you realize you’re on a path to self-destruction, but all five is basically like saying, “Fuck you, world, I gave up on pleasing you a long time ago.”

I bet being in a police chase is fun though. Especially if you go somewhere with a lot of ramps. In fact, if I ever get into seriously trouble with the cops and have to get away, I’m going to Merle’s Ramp Emporium. By which I mean I’ll be so stoned the f out of my mind that I’ll be passed out in the car on the side of the road almost immediately, envisioning a world of colorful ramps that talk and offer encouraging advice. Either way, those cops won’t know what hit ‘em.