by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool.com

12) Say the TV ratings are up (if they aren’t, say that doesn’t matter)

11) Ask if the NHL fan saw that recent unbelievable game that went into overtime

10) Complain about how the game has been ruined by expansion into the Sun Belt

9) Compare commissioner Gary Bettman to Osama Bin Laden, George Bush or Adolph Hitler

Confess that you can’t pronounce many of the European players names

7) Talk about what an asshat that Sean Avery is, or how a guy like can pull the tail that he does

6) Express your hope that ESPN never gets the telecast rights again, since they’ll just pre-empt the games for other, much less worthy sports

5) Note how incredible it was that the goalie just about won the game by himself

4) Wonder just how the ref could call that, especially since they had so totally let much worse stuff go on earlier in the game

3) Threaten a particularly unrealistic form of murder-suicide if the league has yet another work stoppage

2) Express your disgust for floppers in other sports (particularly the NBA), because no hockey player ever does anything like that

1) Say that, gosh darn it, it just seems like Detroit’s year