I used to love basketball but due to now being older and not having melanin, I no longer can play the game with the same amount of zeal. And here’s another reason why that’s a good idea…rims with murderous intent.

It’s like that old “Grant Hill drinks Sprite!” Sprite commercial where the guy tries to dunk but falls backwards, only instead of falling backwards, this guy almost died. Much less charming in real life.

Basketball is typically pretty safe though. If you’re playing by yourself, odds are you won’t injure anything. And if you’re playing with other people, odds are the black guys won’t be able to mug you because there’s no way you can carry weapons and adequately sprint around the court. That’s why they call basketball The Great Equalizer. Other than athletically. Or if it turns into a penis measuring contest. Probably not equal there, at all.