Note to all the ladies out there…if you have big, luscious jugs or a juicy ass and are planning on going to a soccer game in El Salvador, wear a steel chestplate and chastity belt. Because things get excessively gropeful there.

I can really sympathize with this girl. I used to sublet an apartment in Chelsea and I remember how I’d walk down the street and just get accosted by these animals pining for my goods. Any fleshly orb of skin I had was grabbed and prodded. Some might I say might I have been asking for it by wearing fishnets and a sign on my back that said, “Just because you eat at a different restaurant doesn’t mean you can’t grab my ass and balls.” But what I lacked in subtlety, I more than made up for in coy smiles.

[video via]