Stories like this are supposed to be inspirational, I think. This girl who went to 12 different schools in 12 years and was homeless is going to Harvard. Great for her. But holy f what have I been doing with my life?

Around here, Khadijah is known as “Harvard girl,” the “smart girl” and the girl with the contagious smile who landed at Jefferson High School only 18 months ago.

What students don’t know is that she is also a homeless girl.

As long as she can remember, Khadijah has floated from shelters to motels to armories along the West Coast with her mother. She has attended 12 schools in 12 years; lived out of garbage bags among pimps, prostitutes and drug dealers. Every morning, she upheld her dignity, making sure she didn’t smell or look disheveled.

On the streets, she learned how to hunt for their next meal, plot the next bus route and help choose a secure place to sleep — survival skills she applied with passion to her education.

Only a few mentors and Harvard officials know her background. She never wanted other students to know her secret — not until her plane left for the East Coast hours after her Friday evening graduation.

“I was so proud of being smart I never wanted people to say, ‘You got the easy way out because you’re homeless,’ ” she said. “I never saw it as an excuse.”

You know, maybe I shouldn’t feel bad. I’ve done pretty well for myself in spite of my obvious competitive handicap in not being homeless. But you know who SHOULD feel bad? Those homeless people out there right now who are just sitting around collecting change and drinking their delicious hobo wines. See? You could have been somebody. But instead you just smell like a wet dog with shit crusted up in its ass. That skill alone won’t get you to the top of the business world, believe me.

I think a good idea would be to get copies of the LA Times and take it to everywhere homeless people congregate. Do it at night so they’ll be nice and sleepy. Then just give them a copy and start yelling at them, “WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU DONE?” I think that’ll be a really good wake-up call for them and they’d probably be so flattered that you’d care that they’d totally forget to stab and rob you.

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