I’m all for whatever gets people going in the bedroom, particularly when you’re a parent and the sight of your wife’s might be like seeing an exploding roast beef sandwich. But calling each other “Mommy” and “Daddy” in bed? Pass.

“Cruisin’” is also code for picking up gay men. See? Much funnier now, isn’t it? No? Fuck you then, how about that.

New parenthood can put a damper on even the most blazing sex lives. Middle-of-the night feedings, projectile spit-up and dirty diapers — who could still be in the mood after all that?

But some couples have inadvertently found a way to spice up their romantic lives with a little “Mommy” and “Daddy” name-calling. It often starts accidentally, when one of them slips and calls the other “Mommy” or “Daddy” — even when the kids aren’t around.

For some, it opens a new sexual frontier, not that they’d readily admit it. In fact, calling each other “Mommy” and “Daddy” in the bedroom may be one of the last sex fantasies people are reluctant to confess.

Marie Melsheimer of Bend, Ore., says her husband always calls her “Mama,” even when referring to her in conversations with others.

“I find it rather endearing,” she said. “In the bedroom “it does come up sometimes, as in, ‘Aren’t you going to take care of The Daddy?’ ”

Ugh, so gross. You need to keep some sexual spice in a relationship, I know. But seriously, that’s a bit creepy. No offense to my mom, but even if she weren’t my mother, I’d be more likely to get off to a nailgun being shot into my asshole than that image popping to my head.

Unrelated, when sleeping with a girl for the first time, calling her “Mommy” then suckling on her nipples might not get you a whole lot of repeat business.

[via]