Stephen Colbert is in Iraq this week and he did something pretty cool in shaving his head to support the troops.

That’s a pretty awesome thing to do. But you know what’d make it less awesome? If he had lice. I mean sure, the sentiment would still be there, but who knows where his motivation lies?

Since I also have many readers in the Armed Forces, I’d also like to say I love you all but will not shave my head for you. I will however, shave my left testicle. If you’d like some of the shavings sent your way with an autographed headshot, please let me know. My gift to you.