The first trailer for Twilight: New Moon came out recently and the biggest Twilight fans are all a tizzy. Take a look at this two BIG Twilight fans and their FAT reaction. Hmm, that second one wasn’t subtle at all. My bad.

I had to watch Twilight this weekend with my girlfriend who, shockingly, is not a high school aged fat girl in an ironic t-shirt or emo glasses, and I wasn’t in love with it. If I wanted to see a guy with make-up on poorly pretending to be in love with an obnoxious woman, I’d go home to see my dad and mom more often.

I’m sick of the romantic fantasies that these movies implant in young women’s stupid, delusional heads. No steely cold vampire is going to change his ways and rescue you from loneliness, girls. In fact, if a vampire did see you, he’d probably hop through a window like the one behind these two swine, bite their necks, and then f their faces until they both bled out. Or he’d wake up next to you after a night of drinking tainted blood and hiss like he’s seeing the sunlight after seeing you while sober. Either way, I’d be content.