I’ve never gotten hit by a car while riding my bike, primarily because I can’t ride a bike and tend to think that, even if I could, getting hit by a car wouldn’t be the best way to celebrate that newfound independence. But if I could take the blunt force trauma as well as this guy, well, maybe it’d be something worth doing more often.

That’s a pretty impressive physical talent. It wasn’t like he got lightly tapped by the car either, that was a full on flip. It’s like he’s some sort of modern day superhero, only instead of an amazing lifesaving power, he just gets hit by large objects and goes on with the rest of his shitty life. Which is probably how Superman would have turned out if he were real anyway. He’d have just been getting hit by cars or taking flight and then have to go back to a menial job as a fry cook or temp at an insurance agency. Plus Lois Lane would have probably been a Thai former prostitute named Guardita with a slightly ambiguous gender and Lex Luthor would have been his neighbor who always flushes used condoms down the toilet, forcing Superman’s sick to clog up with a bleachy-smelling viscous liquid. Not quite Super now, is it?