I was going for a combination of snake and rapist in the headline, but I think it came off more as someone who’s biased against snakes and won’t rent them an apartment. Oh well.

For the first time, I really relate to a snake because I’d do the same thing. Oh, not that I’m like so manly that I’d dive headfirst between vaginas, but rather that when I’m shy in public, I often want to jump into the nearest cave to hide. The snake must have sensed that this woman has a spacious, comfy womb. That’ll teach her to have labia that look vaguely like French doors.

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