It seems like one of the popular things to do these days is splice together clips of Food Network whores doing stuff to make it sexual. Skip to like :33 for the good stuff.

Sandra Lee might not be hot by Internet model standards, but I’d definitely blow a load in her casserole (that’s not a euphemism, I’d f her and then beat off into whatever food dish was nearby). Ditto for most of the chicks on these shows like Giada De Laurentiis or Rachael Ray or Ingrid Hoffman. So why the f is that whenever I turn on the Food Network when there’s nothing better on that I’m stuck seeing the moocow hosting the Barefoot Contessa show, Ina Garten? I’m sure she’s a great cook and whatever since she’s fat and fat people tend to know food for some unknown reason, but putting that heifer on is like having a team of lightning fast racehorses, yet bringing a donkey with a missing hoof and diabetes to run in the Kentucky Derby. Get it fixed, Food Network.