Harry Potter is serious business

I don’t get Harry Potter…wizards, oh boy, whatever, why don’t you find a magical way for me to give a crap. But yeah, some people really like it. And some people also really like throwing bleach at other people. Two great tastes.

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Last week, a 46-year-old woman was with her husband and two children at the Vue cinema in Kirkstall Road, Leeds.

During a screening of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince she asked a gang of at least five teenagers to stop making a noise.

West Yorkshire Police said two of the group followed the family to a nearby restaurant after the screening and threw bleach over the mum’s head and back.

She suffered burns to her skin and possible permanent damage to her eyes.

I’ve been known to overreact to things; when I saw Bambi, I cried my eyes out, so the next time I saw a hunter, I stabbed him in the scrotum and said, “YEAH HOW DO YOU LIKE IT.” The fact that I was 22 at the time is completely irrelevant, Bambi’s mother needed to be avenged because Lord knows Thumper didn’t have the balls to do it. Some friend. Oh yeah, the overreacting…so if someone shushes you, I can relate to the anger you might feel. There’s magic in the air at a theatre showing Harry Potter, so naturally you want to share your joy with others. But throwing bleach at someone isn’t really an appropriate reaction. Rage, fisticuffs, sure, but bleach? Who even carries around bleach when going to the movie theatre? That doesn’t seem like something you should have on your person. Unless you’re Mr. Clean or the little Scrubbin’ Bubbles dude then maybe, but there’s no way this kid was either of those. Mr. Clean had a worldliness to him that no 16 year-old could possibly have. I guess my point is that if you’re going to throw a liquid at someone, keep it to bodily fluids or a glass of Chardonnay. It’s called class.

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Chris Spags Chris is a comic and the founding editor of Guyism.com. He previously ran Blog of Hilarity and has contributed to numerous other prominent outlets. Known for his biting wit and nose for interesting items, there is no doubt that Chris smells better than any other writer that you can find.

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