Just because you get old doesn’t mean that your lust for flesh disappears. It also doesn’t mean that you have the financial resources to splurge for a home Internet connection. That’s where the Apple Store comes in.

It’s unclear at this time whether this is better or worse than the old guys browsing porn at the library. On the plus side, it’s less likely there will be kids around reading Horton Hears A Who while his limp, old man love wand engorges at the rate of a comatose woman blowing up a balloon. But on the down side, the Genius Bar at the Apple Store will rarely give you a happy ending, no matter how much you insist that it’ll help your iPhone restoration process. I thought this company was supposed to be all about thinking outside the box.