If I had a dollar for every time some stranger attempted to abduct me and/or pick me up like a bowling ball, I would have had enough money to run away from home and avoid all those problems in the first place. Kind of a paradox, really. But I didn’t have this important 80s rap song about “stranger danger” to guide me. You need to see this.

So if I’m to believe the video, I really should just avoid people wearing sunglasses. You just don’t know what a person’s intent is if they’re hiding their eyes. Do they want to help or do they want to lock me in a trunk until they can skin me alive? I just don’t know!

Plus how do I know that I can trust the guy singing the song? He’s a stranger. What if this song was just an elaborate ruse to get me to trust him and avoid the people who are warning me, “Hey, stay away from that creepy dude who starts singing while hanging out around kids”? This is why I just don’t care and get into a car with whomever offers to take me around. When life hands you lemons, sometimes you get sodomized. Such is life.

[via]