A German woman in a bridal gown woke up in the back of a car next to a crate of vodka. So, uh, what happened?

A bride in Germany spent her wedding night passed out next to a crate of vodka in the back seat of a car and had to be rescued by police when the BMW began to overheat in the sun.

Police in the western city of Cologne said Monday the inebriated 30-year-old remained unconscious even after they smashed the car window to get her out.

“Only after being shaken several times did she eventually regain consciousness,” police said in a statement.

Still clad in her wedding dress, the dazed woman had to scramble through the broken window because she had no idea where the car keys or her husband were, police said.

It seems like a pretty big assumption to assume that just because she’s in a bridal gown and claiming to have gotten married means that she actually DID get married. I don’t think that disoriented women waking up next to a crate of vodka in the back of a BMW are the most trustworthy of sources for news. In the back of an Audi, sure, but the back of a BMW, no way.

Plus if you were a lonely woman, wouldn’t the most logical thing to do be to dress up in a wedding gown, pass out in your car, then be like, “OMG where is my new husband!!!!” Nothing would get you some pity faster than that. Well, other than being the groom at an actual wedding. It’s like a march to your own hanging, or so every romantic comedy with a jilted bride has led me to believe. I usually stop after the first hour, this way there’s no happy ending. Just like life. *single tear

[via]