I was only alive for like 6 years in the 80s (oh you silly comas!), but man, they sure seem like a magical time. At least if I’m to believe this 1980s ad for Boobie Chew, the chewing gum that will make boobs grow. What a land of whimsy and wonder!

So it’d be pretty illegal if I drug my girlfriend and force her to endure surgery for breast implants. BUT gum…I don’t see how it’d possibly be a crime to give someone gum. Unless you tie them down, shove the gum in their throat then yell at their chest “GROW DAMN YOU.” I’m a victim of circumstance in this fictional scenario.

I’ll tell you what though…if someone gave me a stick of gum and all of a sudden my penis engorged to unknown heights and flipped over a table, I don’t think I’d be thrilled like this guy. I’d probably be run through the streets screaming in abject horror. There should be disclaimers on this gum that probably doesn’t work. Maybe it’s for the best that this gum isn’t around.

[thanks Irfan for the tip]