Have you ever woken up completely naked next to a total stranger who is trying her hardest to pretend to still be asleep while simultaneously wrapping your arms around her? As you lay there eyes wide open trying to remember her name and how you even met, she’s fantasizing about how the rest of the day is going to go. While there are plenty of women who sneak out of the room to do a walk of shame before you even wake-up, the one who stays in bed with you is a different kind of woman. So while you’re trying to gently remove your arm from under her body (it falls asleep every single time), here’s what she’s thinking:
1. You Will Cuddle - It’s clinically proven that 93% woman could cuddle all day – even if she doesn’t like the guy. If the man moves one inch closer to her on the bed (whether he’s awake or not) she’ll interpret that as a signal to spoon and if you accidentally graze her thigh she’ll assume you want a gentle make-out session.
2. You Will Talk - Ideally a woman would love to spend the morning in bed completely naked talking about everything from favorite ethnic food to first kisses to her mean boss. She wants to get out of that bed and be able to say that you know her better than anybody else in the world.
3. You Will Eat - After the cuddling and intimate talking sesh are over, she prays that you are a secret gourmet chef who makes amazing (egg-white only) omelette’s and heart-shaped pancakes. And if you’re not a gourmet chef she’ll hope real hard that you’ll offer to take her out to breakfast where you can continue sharing life stories.
4. You Will Make Plans - She wants to make definite plans and none of that wishy-washy I’ll find your number online and I’ll call you sometime next month stuff. She wants a specific day and a specific event. Whether it’s happy hour on Friday or sushi and movies on Saturday she doesn’t want to leave you until something is set in stone and preferably also signed in blood.
5. You Will Exchange Information – As soon as she leaves your side, she’s going home to look you up online and find out everything about you. She’ll expect you make it easier for her by exchanging numbers, e-mails, Facebook passwords, old Myspace names and more. At the very least she’ll ask for your last name.
6. You Will Be a Gentleman – Whether it’s your front door, a subway stop, or her car that’s still at the bar, she’ll expect you to behave like a gentleman and make sure she gets home as safely and conveniently as possible. If cab fare is involved she’ll want you to offer to pay.
7. You Will Ask Her to Spend the Day Together - She’s hoping at the very last second before you kiss her goodbye, you’ll ask her to cancel all her plans so you can spend the day together doing romantic things like picnicking in the park or drinking wine in front of a fireplace.
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October 23, 2009
#1
Some mornings after, I’m wonder where my VCR is.
October 23, 2009
#2
I agree with the first one, but after that you’re delirious. Wanting a guy to be a gourmet chef??? And this is about a stranger yes? The person would most likely want to either get out of there or just get to know the person, but not intimate details. Clearly this is crap to its’ fullest.
October 23, 2009
#3
In fairness, this is just what women think. And women are well-known for their penchant to be delusional whores.
October 23, 2009
#4
In Bed With Faith up top there?
October 23, 2009
#5
If its with the blond in the first pic then I would not care, I would stay in that bed all weekend.
October 24, 2009
#6
After reading this guide, I can’t help but wonder what kind of a woman mounts a guy in his own bed without knowing his last name. Answer: whore.
October 26, 2009
#7
I agree with most of what the author has to say. Women really do like talking and establishing a connection with someone even if they failed to do so the night before. Making the connection today justifies the sex the night before or its at least a way to test and see if the guy is worth a second date. You would like to think the person you slept with is at least capable of having a conversation but alas people like Puss Monk exist and in that case I would want to get my ass out of there fast.
November 5, 2009
#8
Hello
November 25, 2009
#9
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November 25, 2009
#10
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December 13, 2009
#11
Guys, the first thing you should tell a chick when she wakes up next to you in this situation is:
“How would you like to pay for this”, that should at least be worth a laugh.
Here are some of my other suggestions:
2-”Would you believe that our video already got 500 hits on youtube!”
3-(if she was drunk) “I'm so glad I met someone else in the initial stages of Gonorrea, we need to stick together and help each other cope as the symptoms start to appear.”
4-(if she was really drunk) “I can't believe how hot you and [whomever other chick name] were together”, for a K.O. repeat 3.
Love to hear your feedback
December 13, 2009
#12
Guys, the first thing you should tell a chick when she wakes up next to you in this situation is:
“How would you like to pay for this”, that should at least be worth a laugh.
Here are some of my other suggestions:
2-”Would you believe that our video already got 500 hits on youtube!”
3-(if she was drunk) “I'm so glad I met someone else in the initial stages of Gonorrea, we need to stick together and help each other cope as the symptoms start to appear.”
4-(if she was really drunk) “I can't believe how hot you and [whomever other chick name] were together”, for a K.O. repeat 3.
December 13, 2009
#13
Guys, the first thing you should tell a chick when she wakes up next to you in this situation is:
“How would you like to pay for this”, that should at least be worth a laugh.
Here are some of my other suggestions:
2-”Would you believe that our video already got 500 hits on youtube!”
3-(if she was drunk) “I'm so glad I met someone else in the initial stages of Gonorrea, we need to stick together and help each other cope as the symptoms start to appear.”
4-(if she was really drunk) “I can't believe how hot you and [whomever other chick name] were together”, for a K.O. repeat 3.
December 16, 2009
#14
First two point make sense but the rest well…
December 25, 2009
#15
We're not THIS crazy. Granted, if I liked the guy I would like him to at least smile and walk me to the door. I had a total jackass one time roll over, and turn on the t.v. until I got the hint he wasn't gonna talk to me. Then I left this enormous house that I had no idea how to find the front door in – do you think he got up to walk me down? No. He didn't. Then other times, I want to leave before the sun is up. Blech. And one time, we actually liked each other and made breakfast, blah blah blah. There is no *one* list for every situation. And I would seriously fear the female that wanted to do all things above. Creeper!
December 25, 2009
#16
We're not THIS crazy. Granted, if I liked the guy I would like him to at least smile and walk me to the door. I had a total jackass one time roll over, and turn on the t.v. until I got the hint he wasn't gonna talk to me. Then I left this enormous house that I had no idea how to find the front door in – do you think he got up to walk me down? No. He didn't. Then other times, I want to leave before the sun is up. Blech. And one time, we actually liked each other and made breakfast, blah blah blah. There is no *one* list for every situation. And I would seriously fear the female that wanted to do all things above. Creeper!
January 27, 2010
#17
i'm a woman and definitey do not expect any of these things. granted, i like my sex, soo.. graze my thigh accidentally and you might find me on top of you in 0.5 seconds… but thats about it.