When a child is thought to be magically soaring through the air on a makeshift spaceship, it’s pretty safe to say that some mediocre parenting is afoot. Well, in an interview with Wolf Blitzer on Larry King Live, the kid, Falcon Heene, basically fesses up, saying “It was for the show.” Oops.

So the popular theory floating around now is that this was all a publicity stunt and that Falcon’s dad, Richard Heene, is a crazy person who always left his kids in danger. Given that knowledge and the fact that, in the dad’s big moment, one kid revealed they did it for the show and another kid farted on camera, how many beating were doled out as soon as the crew left? These parents are like a bizarro Jon and Kate, right down to ethnically ambiguous kids who are going to end up with a needle in their vein and a sad song in their heart in 13 years.

Anyway, if my kid ended up seemingly missing, soaring through the atmosphere in a hot air balloon, you know what I’d do? Nothing because only a maniac or a gregarious billionaire with shadowy secret pedo tendencies. And because I haven’t gotten a girl pregnant. Unless someone’s been drying herself off with my “special towel.” That thing is practically radioactive.