So uh, I’m trying to be more PG-13 for our advertisers’ sake so I can save myself yet another angry phone call, but I’m not entirely sure how to address this one. Pictured left is Venus Lewis, a woman who exposed herself to a group of teen football players and, um…did many awful things.

A Florida woman has been arrested after allegedly masturbating in front of teen football players in Ocala this weekend. Venus Lewis, 41, was charged with three counts of lewd and lascivious exhibition and battery after she reportedly chased after two football players and told them she’d have sex with them.

Venus Lewis maybe likes youth league football a bit too much. (Marion County Jail)
Police say Lewis, who appeared to be drunk, then walked to a set of picnic tables, pulled down her pants, and inserted a tampon before beginning to masturbate in front of the children. According to police reports, the children were at least under the age of 16. Police also say Lewis attempted to grab the genitalia of another underage player.

Well then. I think that although I can’t say I condone her actions, I applaud her for inserting the tampon first. This was a traumatic incident for these kids, I’m sure, but I’m pretty sure she’d have turned a group of teens to suicide if they’d have seen all this go down and ended up bathed in uterian plasma like they were sitting in the front row of a Gallagher show. The shame and trauma of that could probably only be topped by actually going to a Gallagher show.

[Zimbio, as seen on Deadspin]