Look, I’m not trying to poke too much fun at people who struggle with weight problems here. Some folks kill themselves with diet and exercise order to keep themselves healthy and fit. However, these men are paid millions upon millions of dollars to be in shape and play at the highest level of professional athletics. It’s their job to be physically superior to other people. They have the most advanced exercise equipment and best nutritionists on the planet at their disposal. You don’t have to be Jack LaLanne, but at least suck your gut in and try and look a little svelte when the cameras are on you…

Prince Fielder – You don’t think those guys who race around the stadium in sausage suits aren’t a little concerned for their safety when the 270 lb prince is salivating in the dugout? When he and CC Sabathia were on the same Milwaukee Brewers team, I always swore to my buddy that one night they were going to jump out of the dugout and attack and devour one of those sausages as they ran past the infield. We watched for that every night. But seriously, you gotta wonder how his knees will hold out in the long run. Sure he seems healthy now (apparently turned vegetarian) and he’s crushing the ball, but he’s still young and so it’s relativity easy for him to stay healthy at the moment. I joke about it, but don’t want to see one of my favorite players get his career cut short with chronic back or knee problems.

John Daly - I used to play competitive golf in high school. Golf is not a real sport. Golf is a skill. Sports take years of training and dedication to achieve peak physical fitness that vaults you ahead of your competition and helps you achieve the success a person who didn’t put forth the maximum effort while training would not be able to attain. John Daly drinks himself blind every night, smokes like a chimney and looks like he’s one crown short of being the Burger King. Is he playing golf the correct way by drinking and smoking out on the course? Yeah, that’s how I play and most golfers will agree that’s how it’s supposed to be played. Does that make him a candidate for athlete of the year? No. Is he a candidate for Type II Diabetes? Yeah, if he keeps doing things the way he’s doing them now.

CC Sabathia - Look, you will get no argument from me that CC Sabathia is one of the best pitchers in baseball, even with the extra weight. But, he never seems to look good coming into spring training. And if you look at his numbers, he always seems to have some struggles early in the season. His stuff is amazing, so you have to think it’s because it takes him at least 2 months to get his stamina and weight back to a manageable level. Well, the question is should he try and diet? Well the Yankees gave him 161 million (that’s like 60 million Wendy’s Baconators) reasons not to. I guess sometimes you fire your personal trainer and just stick with what works.

Eddy Curry - Eddy Curry’s biggest enemy is “All-You-Can-Eat” Pancake Month down at IHOP. Basketball players are supposed to be the best athletes in the world! You can’t be an obese basketball player! That’s like being a fat marathon runner or a fat Olympic diver! It’s just unnatural. The Knicks pay you stay in some semblance of shape! You can’t be a fat basketball player. Some sources claim that he has been running on the treadmill and is in the best shape of his life for the upcoming season. I don’t believe it. Eddy Curry wouldn’t go near a treadmill if his favorite McDonald’s was made out of them.

Pablo Sandoval - Listing “Kung Fu Panda” at 5’11” and 250lbs is generous. And to think that he used to crouch down all that weight on his knees while playing catcher is cringe worthy. I played catcher when I was younger, weighed less than half that much as “Panda” and still have problems with my knees. It’d be like having someone crouch down and try to balance a baby grand piano on their back for three hours a day. And then try and do that for about 200 days a year. My knees hurt just thinking about it. He may not be in a weight class with the rest of this list, but if he needs to drop major weight if he’s even going to think about continuing to play any catcher at all at the Major League level.

Andre Smith - So let’s say you’re a rookie tackle (already known for being flaky) who is selected by the Bengals and you hold out through training camp. What do you do during that time? Apparently you don’t exercise and close down every Sizzler in the Cincinnati area. And to make matters worse, you come into camp out of shape and tipping the scales at 370. Then you promptly break your foot. Could it be the fact that your feet can’t withstand the pressure of an already corpulent load? Well, the Bengals do…and that’s why there is a weight management clause in your mammoth contract; a contract that was only slightly larger than you were coming into camp.

Dmitri Young - Come on man. You’re not even making an effort. He looks like he gets winded just walking to the batter’s box. Legging out a double would entail at least two outfielders being rendered unconscious on the play. If you ran into Dmitri on the street and had to guess his occupation you certainly wouldn’t guess professional baseball player. There are offensive lineman in the NFL who would tell this guy to hit the gym. Have you ever even heard of granola? You’re a professional athlete–at least try to look like you care. Stop with the Count Chocula and start with the count calories.

Emanuel Yarbrough - He’s a sumo wrestler, so he gets a pass because he’s paid to be bigger than everyone else, but man look at this dude. He’s the only athlete that has a body fat index that reads “all.” What would you do if you were a manager of an all-you-can-eat buffet and saw this guy show up? This is the only person who goes to restaurants and chooses cows like regular people choose lobsters. “That one. I want that one. Grill it up and bring it out.” I know he’s an awesome sumo wrestler, but this guy can’t be healthy as the video below points out.

Shaun Rogers - If Shaun Rogers was across the line of scrimmage from me and said “I’m gonna eat you for breakfast!“ I would be scared. Because looking at him, I think he feasibly could. An if I saw Shaun Rogers chasing me (he would catch me) I’d probably cry. Then pee myself. Then die of asphyxiation. He’s not a men among boys. He’s at least 1 ¾ of a man among boys. I saw him almost decapitate Jay Cutler, so I’m not going to say that maybe he should take a Jazzercise class in the off-season. Although the entertainment value would be twice as much than it would be to see him play for the Browns or Lions. Who wouldn‘t watch “Shaun Rogers Sweating to the Oldies.” Make it happen Richard Simmons.