Kids can injure themselves on anything, whether it’s a garbage can or some small plastic toy or the pit of spikes I keep in my yard (the sign clearly says, “Do not fall onto these spikes.” Stupid kids). For further proof of this phenomenon check out this video of a small child running headfirst into a busty gal as if he were the luckiest crash test dummy ever.

The video is much more fun when you assume that the girl is naturally this endowed and this is how she ingratiates herself to new people. Nothing better than a girl who never got attention and, now that she has the assets, can seek it in unconventional ways. In fact, that’s how I created my system of picking up ladies. I call it “Chris’s Guide to Finding Love.” The title is really vague, but the book is to the point consisting of one page which says, “Look for a girl who used to be flat-chested and has no self-esteem.” It’s not so much a book in that it’s not available in stores or online. That and the fact that I wrote it back of a cocktail napkin and just put it in a homeless guy’s begging cup because I didn’t want to give him money but wanted to simulate the action of doing so. Having said that, I’m surprised it didn’t make the NY Times Bestseller List.