Pick Up Artists are what happen when nerds decide to get laid but forget to stop playing videogames first. They claim women can be reprogrammed into sex with complicated gambits which flip a set “attraction switches,” at which point they might as well say “I roll my twenty-sided dice for sex.” Flipping switches is how you open the secret door in Zelda, not panties, and we hereby apologize for unleashing that analogy upon this earth.
They use the phrase “neuro-linguistic programming” to cover how they not only think pickup lines work but are the basis of an entire life strategy. The “seduction community” also uses an incredible number of acronyms, because the true path to spontaneous sex is more acronyms than a World of Warcraft guild during tax season.
As proper human beings who can talk to outsiders without filing Field Reports (FR, and yes, that’s one of their acronyms) we went through their lists of initials to find the five stupidest. But brace yourself: FR, the idea of excitedly telling your internet friends about every single time you talk to a girl, didn’t even make it.
Note: Everything in italics is a direct quote from a PUA guide.
1. 3s
The “three second rule” tells you everything you need to know about Pickup Artists before we even get to real letters, instructing artists to approach any woman they meet within three seconds. “Any hesitation will give you more time to falter and come up with fear-based excuses in your mind. It also give your target time to think negatively about you.” So, this is for people who need an inhaler to approach the opposite sex, and automatically assume that the longer a girl sees them the worse things will go.
Also, “target“? You’re taking someone whose idea of social interaction is memorizing a list of instructions from the internet, and turning them into tit-seeking Terminators lurching at anything with a womb on a shorter fuse than the average grenade?
This is what two Terminators having sex might look like.2. AFC
For many the AFC is the American Football Conference. For others it’s the Ambassadors For Christ in Canada. Then there are the pickup artists – who get less action than either – for whom it’s “Average Frustrated Chump.” Again, their definition (of the average man as a sex-starved idiot) says more about the definer than the defined.
Worse, they use this to refer to non-PUAs, us “idiots” who don’t believe in a secret cheat code to unlocks blowjobs. If you’re going to call us dumbasses with a three letter code phrase you had damn well better be a Tom Clancy character, not someone who pays for internet sex tips from this:
His pimp hand is strong. As is his prescription for Levitra.
3. GM Style
The GM stands for “Grandmaster”, which either means an extraordinarily skilled martial artist or a dungeon master who wants to run his orc campaign above ground. Before you decide which, here’s the most famous PUA:
The bigger mystery is where one can find many fuzzy top hats at discount prices.
That’s the face of Pick Up Artistry – that’s actually the best they could offer. Worse, the “GM Style” is to be a relentlessly offensive asshole who won’t take no for an answer, described as “Think Pepé Le Pew but more vulgar and non-stop.” Considering how Pepé was literally an animated rapist skunk we’re going to have to recommend against that. And warn you that the entire PUA thing may have been invented by one guy trying to make every other man in the world look worse.
4. HB
Hot Babe. We’re not kidding, they not only use the phrase “Hot Babe”, they use it so often and so seriously they needed an acronym. Starting with “Hot Babe” and turning it into an alphanumeric code you could only get further from sex by adding numbers and sub-classes – which they do! A target is only a HB if it scores 7-9 on their exclusive 10-point scale (why yes, they do argue about how that’s rated online), while a 10 ranks as an SHB, or Super HB. You know things are going badly when you want to discuss women and end up talking about Kryptonian pencils.
Superman Says: “Number 2 pencils are for sissies and Canadians.
5. Neg
Not an acronym, but discussing PUAs without mentioning negs is like describing Tila Tequila without STDs.
“Neg hits, or more commonly negs (short for “negative hits”), are quick, sometimes humorous remarks used by PUAs to get past the bitch shield of hot women.”
A drunk on a psychologist’s couch doesn’t show so much of their soul. These guys didn’t just do the “nice guys finish last” whining in high school, they added the “all women are bitches” bitterness and mixed in “only assholes get the girl” idiocy, internalizing all three into a life strategy which turns the world into one of those creepy Japanese dating games (with a less believable plot).
So at what point in the courting process do we get to tentacle rape?
To “neg” is to insult a woman, grin, and wait for her to suck you off. The original idea of “Hey, maybe if you stop calling anything with breasts a princess and begging her to touch you” has some merit, but when you start throwing around sentences like “No more than 2 negs on an average HB (7-9/7-9), a maximum of 3 on a super HB (10/10)” you might as well sell your sex organs to science.
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November 4, 2009
#1
SHB: Wow, he insulted me *three* times, he must think I’m really hot!
November 4, 2009
#2
LOL this is so true man.
November 4, 2009
#3
Actually, the “neg” thing is a compliment designed to make the woman feel insecure, e.g., “Your eyes are much too pretty to be hidden behind your hair all the time,” or “You’ve got a great smile, if you’d only use it.” The idea is that all women–even hot ones–are insecure about themselves, and by complimenting them AND noting their insecurity, you come off as a “nice guy” and “asshole” all at once.
It works REALLY well on strippers. Try it.
November 5, 2009
#4
i go for the grandmaster type hehe
November 11, 2009
#5
Hahahhaahah. You have to hand it to these guys though. At least they’re going outside.
November 23, 2009
#6
I'm into this PUA stuff (as you will notice from my defensive attitude) and like you said “Pick Up Artists are what happen when nerds decide to get laid but forget to stop playing videogames first.”, there are many who might be 25 years old virgins who play video games all day long in their parent's basement and there are those who might be quite good looking and succesful people, but they just freak out when they're with a woman. And it is no wonder it sounds like a nerd community with all the acronyms and step-by-step guides on how to talk to a woman, because it pretty much is. But the difference between these losers and the loser next door is that this one is doing what he can do to become more social and getting this always so highly praised thing called a 'life'. But it is not so easy to change yourself after you have lived 20 years the way you haved and built these beliefs that women are something to be scared of. By learning this PUA stuff, the loser will get the courage to go to a club and talk to a woman and he will actually know what to say. When thinking about PUAs, one usually thinks about all these rules what to do exactly in different situations and about learning different stories to tell and making it a completely planned process, but that is usually just for the beginning when you don't have any idea what to say (because talking, especially to women, is so frightening). When you become more comfortable being social (while using the material), it will become more and more natural process and you need less and less material.
I do agree that it wouldn't need to be so precise and complicated, like “No more than 2 negs on an average HB (7-9/7-9), a maximum of 3 on a super HB (10/10)” That could be simply said “When talking to a confident/beautiful woman, you can have more attitude (more negs). When talking to a less confident/less attractive woman, have less attitude and be nicer (less negs)”
January 4, 2010
#7
Some of this rings home. There's probably quite a few of the terminology that would be better of going
January 4, 2010
#8
Some of this rings home. There's probably quite a few of the terminology that would be better of going
January 13, 2010
#9
pick up is for losers. This stuff doesnt not… The verry idea that it can work is insulting to socity and women.
and even if you use gamibits to get into a drunken womens pants. and god forbid your with her the next day and start seeing each other… how the hell will you maintain a relationship….
you nerds are wasing your time with this nonsence….. just be yourself and i am sure you will end up with some nerdy girl, who like you just how you are
February 6, 2010
#10
I agree with Tom…. As for you cr 18, you are what we call an AFC…and do you know what that means? Average Frustrated Chump. I’m going to tell you something about you… You are either
1. an AFC in denial
2. a guy that gets women by his looks
3. a guy who makes alot of money therefore establishing a higher value
4. you have alot of friends.
Here’s Tom’s point… Everybody needs help. Nerds need help to become more social, hired guns need help to be normal. If you were a jock playing varsity football and you loved it and you’re trying so hard to get that scholarship because your family doesn’t have any money, and you’re not good at it… wouldn’t you want some help? Or should we just say, stick to warming the bleachers?
Now after saying that, even you even reply to this, you will probably say something like….”no I’ll just accept defeat and not pursue the scholarship.” You are being very defensive and it shows being in denial, and you should just stop right there and be a PUA. Let’s just say you are telling the truth, that you really mean that you will stop pursuing the scholarship, you are still an AFC, not willing to excel in something and be happy. What this all tells me is that you are happy with doing the bare minimum in life. And it’s pretty sad.
Now on another subject… “just be yourself”
First off, I hate that phrase. It’s like saying give up. I know some of you might say that if you change yourself, you are lightweight deceiving your target. What you want to do is OPEN, NEG, DHV, KINO, and pretty much the structure of Pick Up and you will have her attention… From there, you can be yourself and see if she will like you. Let’s face it, if you see a girl in a club that you think is attractive…. or even at a park, She will feel threatened with “yourself” wether you are the nicest guy in the world. Catch her attention and get her interested, and THEN that’s when you be yourself.