Articles by Jenni Maier
New Year’s resolutions are a bigger joke than Tiger Woods’ wedding vows. Just because it’s a new year doesn’t automatically make you any more ambitious or any less lazy.
The holiday season is absolutely wonderful in theory -- the spiked drinks, the purposefully placed mistletoe, the memory of work bonuses that no longer exist. But in real life it's a disaster of a month wrapped in an overpriced bow because in order to get to all the good stuff (gifts) you have to endure a lot of family time, a lot of mediocre vegetable dips, and a lot of unnecessary Eggnog hangovers.
Everyone has weird quirks, odd habits, and the occasional (illegal) sexual fetish. You’re not alone in collecting your dust bunnies in a jar or hating your parents because you walked in on them having sex on your 10th birthday.
Life is short — or so the liberal media claims. Don’t waste yours attending bad events. Instead, spend your time coming up with creative excuses for why you can’t attend socially-obligated events. After all, no one wants someone with pink eye and gangrene coming to their birthday dinner.
Thanksgiving offers families a wonderful opportunity to come together and celebrate a good year over a great meal — or so the movies claim.
Women expect to hear something romantic, like you swooped down on a flying unicorn and popped the question as you flew past the sunset. No one wants to hear that you asked her during halftime to order some more wings and/or marry you.
There's no doubt women can be nice to look at or great to feel up, but we sure can be hard to understand. We say things we don't mean, we do things we don't want to, and we insist on washing our hands after going to the bathroom. It can be downright confusing to be around us. Read the scientific explanations behind our actions here.
It's not that we don't want to spend every single waking moment together -- it's more like we don't want you to realize that we have flaws, quirks, and normal body functions.
When people go to the movies, they expect the story to be amazing, the popcorn to be artery-bursting buttered, and the audience to be quiet. However there are certain people out there that destroy the movie watching process.
It's easy to get addicted to the Internet. One day you're responding to a Facebook wall post and the next you're running a successful farm with over 46 different crops. In fact, it's not uncommon to go on IMDB to look up an actor's name and spend the next 12 hours watching every movie trailer made in 1999.
The second a woman walks into your apartment after a date (or drunken bar make-out), you can usually assume you'll at least be getting to second base. However, if you have any of the following items in your apartment, it's a safe bet she'll walk right back out that door.