September 4, 2010 11:00 am

This Week in Celebrity Gossip: Heidi Montag’s puppies

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Celebrity gossip items you may have missed this week…

>>> Heidi Montag had a busy week. She publicly exchanged dogs with her “ex” Spencer Pratt, put a halt to the sex tapes that probably never existed in the first place, and, as you can see from the photo above, managed to channel the evil spirit of Oakland Raiders owner Al Davis.

>>> Louis C.K. went on an epic drunken Twitter rant after apparently becoming inebriated on a plane and drunk-tweeting his way through the flight. I do that, but no one ever thinks it funny. Or actually sees it.

>>> Jerry Lewis wants Lindsay Lohan to get off his lawn, or something. Oh yeah, he wants to “smack her in the mouth,” that’s it.

>>> Speaking of Lindsay Lohan, she was told that her presence would not be needed at the premiere of the movie Machete. You know, the movie she was reported to have appeared nude in, yet Mr. Skin says she was not nude in. That movie?

>>> Oh yeah, Lindsay already broke the law and allegedly ran into a lady pushing a stroller since being released from rehab. Those things also happened.

>>> And speaking of idiots with entitlement issues who are in trouble with the law, Paris Hilton, who was arrested this week, says that all “these rumors” about her are not true. I’m not sure what rumors she is referring to, but I can’t wait to see how she goes about defending herself against them.

>>> Oh yeah, Paris also is no longer welcome at certain Las Vegas clubs. So she’s go that also in common with Lindsay Lohan

>>> Kim Kardashian, on the other hand, has no such issues with getting in trouble like Lindsay and the woman who pretty much made her famous by showing her the path, Paris Hilton, and is more than willing to tell you why.

>>> Star magazine accused Ashton Kutcher of cheating on his wife Demi Moore (who then went on Twitter in her bikini looking hot as f-ck for a 47 year-old). Ashton denied it and threatened to sue, of course.

BONUS VIDEO INTERLUDE! Demi Moore doing her best Elaine Benes at a Snoop Dogg concert.

>>> As reported here in previous weeks, Jennifer Lopez is about to become a judge on American Idol. I just knew you were waiting for more confirmation.

>>> As for Kara DioGuardi? Yeah, she’s gone.

>>> Rihanna is in the new Battleship movie. Yes, there is too a movie about the game Battleship, and yes, Rihanna is an actress.

>>> Katy Perry beat out Rihanna and Jennifer Aniston for hottest bikini body, according to some ridiculous poll that thinks these three have the hottest bikini bodies.

>>> T.I. and his wife were busted for drug possession this week. Here’s video! (By the way, it was all his wife’s fault. According to 50 Cent, at least.)

>>> Jay Leno’s Tonight Show ratings are doing real well this summer. Drop me a comment below if this saddens you. I didn’t think so.

And finally, Alex Rodriguez has apparently moved in with The Joker. I mean, Cameron Diaz. Same thing.

In this week’s sexy video, I bring you something you may have already seen since it’s been everywhere, but in case you haven’t yet, well, you are in for a treat. Some genius out there noticed that Britney Spears does something weird with her tongue in pretty much every music video she’s ever made. Is it sexy? I kind of think so, but I’ll leave that for you to decide…