Corey Feldman’s birthday party is the saddest thing ever

K. Thor Jensen Contributing Writer, Entertainment

corey 1 Corey Feldmans birthday party is the saddest thing ever

Vice


Or at least the saddest thing ever with a lot of girls in lingerie. So Corey Feldman is trying to make a big career comeback – we shared with you his horrendous new music video a few weeks back, but that was just the beginning. Apparently Feldman has been working on a new project for the past year, a “360 degree interactive experience” called “Corey’s Angels,” where he basically… lives in a house with girls in lingerie. And you can pay to come to parties there. A reporter for Vice went to one (which was also Corey’s birthday), and it’s the saddest story ever told.

Why is it so sad? Well, first and foremost Corey demanded final edit on the copy before it was published, and there’s a big disclaimer right at the top saying so. Dude was so freaked out that Vice would say something negative about his “Feldmansion” (yes, he calls it that, despite it basically being a beige dump) that he demanded editorial control. The resulting piece is hilarious, with the Vice writer struggling to make Feldman’s existence seem remotely hip. He has a Street Fighter II machine, guys! And some B-lister from the Black Eyed Peas showed up! Party of the year!

corey 2 Corey Feldmans birthday party is the saddest thing ever

Vice

The photos, of course, tell a different story. Girls in lingerie (they get in free to Feldmansion parties) stand around looking bored and checking their phones while a sweaty, desperate Feldman and a few sad bros in bathrobes ogle them. Oh, and Corey Feldman is wearing a wizard cape or something. It’s sadder than that Kirk Cameron birthday party where nobody came and all the food was from Subway.

corey 3 Corey Feldmans birthday party is the saddest thing ever

Vice

Read the whole thing (and see more photos) here. Then feel good about your life. Even the worst party of your pre-teen years can’t match up to this one.

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