October 4, 2011 10:00 am

The Courtney Stodden reality show is going to be awesome

Follow @dcscrap More from Douglas Charles >

courtney stodden bikini 002 142x214 The Courtney Stodden reality show is going to be awesome Courtney Stodden, 17, the girl who married actor Doug Hutchison, 51, when she was 16 put on a bikini for a photo shoot that most parents of 17 year-olds wouldn’t approve of. Then again, Courtney’s parents let her marry a 51 year-old guy when she was 16, so there’s that to consider.

Now I know that Good Morning America “allegedly” verified Stodden’s age by locating her birth certificate, but I’m still struggling real hard to believe this girl is a teenager. One reason, these new photographs (as well as these), and two, her Twitter account, which truly is comedy gold. But first, seriously, look at these pictures. I’m sorry, but there’s no way she’s 17 (or not had a boob job). She looks like her upcoming reality show should be called Real Housewives of Boca Raton.

As for her Twitter account, here are just a few of the gems she’s given us lately:

“Hovering over the scintillating city of Los Angeles on my beautiful balcony while wearing a white loose blouse & luxurious lace stockings!”

“Preparing the most pleasant plate of pasta in absolutely nothing but my plush peek ‘a boo panties! Mmm… it tastes like perfection! ;-) XOs”

“Lubricating my limber legs with a creamy lotion that electrifies my luminescent captivation, lustrously. It’s Slippery Saturday! XOs! ;-)”

“Tousling up my hair… Twirling together the strings of my swimsuit… & tasting the tranquil essence of the day; Mmm, It’s time for a dip!”

VIDEO: Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison’s marriage gets Taiwan CGI

“Baking my body on the beach in a bright white busty bikini while feeling bodacious! ;-)”

“In the kitchen whipping up some syrupy splits before bouncing into bed for a sweet & finger-licking night! Yummm! ;-x”

“Tastily trotted through such a delicious day as the sun sweetly shined upon my body & kissed it like a piece of chocolate-coated candy! ;-)”

“Receiving a pleasing midnight massage from my private masseur; & Oh… is he rubbing the right spots or what?! Mmm… Sweet dreams everyone!”

There are three possible explanations here. Either she has some of the best writers from the romance novel industry writing her tweets, she is actually 34 years-old and not 17 (as I believe), or she truly is batshit and her parents need to be horse-whipped. All that being said, when does her reality show start again? Because I am definitely tuning in to that shit.